Angel in the Centerfold
by Kagetsubasa
Summary: Y'know, lazy perverts like me don't usually get together with stubborn, brash girls, but with this one girl, I really wanna work hard to get together with her. But who knew that an issue of Konoha Babes would help me at all. ShikaTem Complete, troublesome
1. Wonderwall

AN: Okay peoples! This is a new story by Tsubasa, and I believe you'll like this!! Review of course! Even though the chapters are short, I plan on trying to update evryday, except for like the first week of August, cause I have to go somewhere for a week!

Angel in the Centerfold

Chapter: Wonderwall

Y'know, it's troublesome to admit it, but a pornographic magazine got me together with the girl of my dreams. It was back in high school when I met this annoying girl. She had sandy blonde hair, ironic seeing as her last name was Sabaku. She wore the hair in four spiky ponytails, and she wore this skirt, which was just small enough for a peek. Man, I hated to admit it, but I was sort of a closet pervert, which Naruto liked to let out to all the girls. Damn him, with his spiky blonde hair, and his whiskers, and his shy girlfriend! With that one secret let out, I had been guaranteed that I wouldn't have a girlfriend until I was out of school.

I sat by Kiba, who sat with his girlfriend, who was also my childhood friend, Ino. My other childhood friend sat behind me, and he was irritating me very badly. Sasuke was being emo, and Garra and Sakura were making out. Hinata and Naruto were playing their game, Dodge the Kiss, which was pretty much self-explanatory. Sai and Lee were pretty gay, so we didn't give a crap about either of them, and Tenten and Neji hadn't even come to class yet. We didn't even bother to wonder where they were. Shino had skipped school today, and Kin had gotten together with Kankuro since Gaara broke up with her. Who knew where Suigetsu or Karin were, and Jugo had the flu. And lastly was the new kid, Tsubasa. (AN: I love me!)

Tenten and Neji walked in, and following them were Suigetsu and Karin. I gave a greeting to Suigetsu and Karin, but Karin flicked me off. "She's on her period…" Suigetsu whispered. I laughed, and looked down at Karin's skirt, "No free peeks, closet pervert!!" Karin said angrily. I held up my arms in sarcastic defense, and looked forward. There was Hatake-san, our homeroom teacher.

"Hi Hentai-sensei!" Naruto blurted out. "First detention of the day!" Kiba grinned. "Okay, I bet he gets seven detentions today!" I grinned. "Deal!" Kiba shook my hand. I looked over at Hentai, I mean Hatake-sensei scolding poor Naruto, and then she came in. Gaara and Kankuro had been talking about their sister, who was finally transferring to Sarutobi Junior High, named after the founder, who for some reason lounged around and talked with his students, Jiraiya, Tsunade, and Orochimaru, our Sex Ed, Health, and Drama teachers respectively. For some reason, we never knew which classes we had. We had so many subjects that the teachers had to alternate.

She was beautiful, and I never admitted it to anyone. Her legs… were slender, and her lips… were luscious. I instantly fell in love. I looked over at Kiba, and whispered, "Move behind Ino…" "No…" I got angry, which almost never happened, and I pushed him out of his seat. "Okay Sabaku-san, sit by Nara-san, and stay away from Uzumaki-san!" Kakashi grinned. Naruto glared at our homeroom teacher, and Temari sat by me. Score!! Kiba got up, and protested instantly, "Hey, that's my seat!" "Aww, but do ya want to take me away from this cutie!" Temari protested. (AN: A little OOC) and she grasped onto my arm. I began to blush, which unfortunately, Naruto caught, and Kakashi grinned. "I couldn't keep those two apart! They look good together." Kiba looked ticked, and glared at me for the rest of the day.

"Shino's got a girlfriend!!" Naruto shot out all of his chocolate milk, which landed on me. "This is what I get for wearing white today!" "So who is it, Shika, who is it?!" Neji asked in a hyper tone. "Dammit Naruto, did you slip coffee powder in his drink again!" I smiled. "Well when I go over to Hinata's to walk to school with em and Tenten; I can't but help pull a prank on Neji everyday. Yesterday, I had Tenten help me hide his underwear!" Naruto grinned. "I wonder why she agreed to it!" I said out loud when she passed by.

"Shino's going out with Tayuya!" Naruto blurted out. "You can't shut up, can you, Uzumaki!" I shouted. Gaara walked over, and began to nudge me. "You like Temari doncha, doncha, doncha!" Gaara warmed up since he got together with Sakura. "NO!" I said angrily. "Oh, dang! Cause she's so into you!" Gaara grinned. "Really!" I asked. "Yeah, remember when you came over. You probably don't remember her since she was in her room most of the time, but I could tell she had an eye on you." "WHAT!" I shouted, gaining the looks of everyone. "I've got her diary to prove it!" Gaara grinned. "You're sly!"

"Oh schnikes!" Naruto shouted, "We're gonna be late to Yuhi-san's Math Class!!" "Schnikes?" I asked. "Yeah, I've been trying to cut off on cussing." Naruto explained. "Oh my god, look, it's Orochimaru, and he's coming towards ya!!" I shouted. "Oh shit!!" Naruto screamed, and he began to get hyper. "Got ya!" I smiled.

Gaara was explaining everything to me about Temari, and I was trying to listen and stare at Yuhi-sensei at the same time. I mean, she was so hot!! But then again, I had a chance with Temari. So I started listening to what he had to say, and I found out something horrible!!

Turns out Temari isn't the sweet little girl she acted like. She's actually quite brash and stubborn, and it was quite a surprise to Gaara if she really did like me! Lazy perverts like me were the least likely to get together with women like Temari. But why did she act like that. I've got to say, it's hard in high school to fit in, with all bitchy chicks and the major dicks.

Now it was second period, which was Umino-sensei with Reading. Man was Umino-sensei boring. And worse of all, who is he to get pissed at me when I fall asleep. He should try some cooler crap like with Momochi-sensei in next period. I fell asleep, and when I woke up, I had gotten a detention, as opposed to Naruto's current three, and Temari was giggling. I blushed, and shrugged it off.

Third period is the best of all of em. Ya see, Momochi-sensei doesn't like Teaching, because he says it's boring, so he just transfers all of today's lesson through a jutsu, and lets us watch a movie. He even lets me sleep! Today's movie was 50 First Dates with Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore, and seeing as I liked Adam Sandler, I stayed up. When class ended, Momochi-sensei said we could watch the rest later, and he planned on testing us on what Adam Sandler's upcoming movie was.

Lunch Time!! I freaking love Lunch Time. Not only do all of my friends, from Naruto to Gaara, have the same lunch, but there are plenty of hot girls to spy on. Yet today, I only wanted to see this Sabaku girl, because for some strange reason, I was attracted to this girl. But in the meantime, I could watch Gaara's girlfriend. "You may look, for she is hot, but if you touch her, I will kill joo dead!" Gaara grinned evilly.

Fourth Period? Today's is Coach Asuma's Gym class. I don't really care for P.E, but Asuma's a cool teacher. Really, he's my favorite teacher. So I was sitting on the bleachers, and suddenly, I fill this weird presense, and I look over, and see… TEMARI!!

AN: Well, first chapter. Just to say, the title is based on a song by the J. Giles Band! Once again, review, and of course, Sore ja Mata. Oh guys, did ya know they announced the Akatsuki Leader's name and appearance, along with the blue haired member. He has auburn spiky hair, with six nose rings, seven earings on each ear, and he's from Amegakure. His name is Pain. And the blue haired member is a girl, and Deidara finally went boom. He got killed straight up! Unquote.


	2. Smells Like Teen Spirit

AN: Major sorries for the major delays, but we all have problems, and like Kakashi said, I got lost in the road called life. But nevertheless, here is chapter two!

Chapter 2: Smells like Teen Spirit.

"Oh shit!!" I shouted, as I noticed that Temari was sitting right by me. Asuma looked up at me, and flicked me off for screaming. "IS he even allowed to do that to a student!!?" I whispered to Neji. Temari was giggling, and Naruto was whispering to Hinata. I wonder what it was about. Probably that I'm a paranoid closet pervert. Damn them all!

"Damn, I hate running, it's such a drag!" I sighed. I glared at Naruto for getting us into it, well, and his future cousin in law. Mr. Hyper Hyuga and Dobe were getting crazy, thus causing them to continuously poke Asuma, and then smack away his cigarette, which is obviously like the eleventh commandment, Thou shalt not smack away Asuma's cigarette, that is, after Thou shall bring pizza for everyone, or no one at all.

And then I looked beside me, and there, once again was Temari, with Gaara laughing at me from not too far away. "Hey Shika, how bout we race?" she grinned. I sighed, and nodded. I looked at her, and she suddenly, she was in front of me! "Great, now she'll think you're lazy! Get moving ya bum!" my inner self spoke to me. "Oh shit, my thoughts are alive!!" I blurted out, and I began to run away from humiliation.

Temari and I were neck and neck, which is kinda stupid. To put it short, we were right by each other. I ran as fast as I could, and I was easily outrunning even Naruto, who was majorly surprised. "I guess love can do a lot of things to people! Heh, yeah right, and pigs fly!" Naruto grinned. But then he looked outside, and saw Tonton go through the air, which caused him to pass out. He was pissed when he found Sasuke had given him CPR. Ironically, Tonton had just been blown away by the wind from Tsunade-sensei's arms.

"Y'know Itachi, I like that kid. He should join our group." The tall college student grinned. "Screw that, Kisame. He's just a freshman." Itachi said emotionless. "Whatever, you emo kid, un." Deidara grinned. "Dei, you might wanna leave Itachi alone. Remember last time?" Sasori smiled, remembering when Itachi had hid Deidara's clay in his mashed potatoes. "True, true, un!" Deidara smiled. "Oh yeah, I'm having a party, and everyone's invited except Hidan!" Sasori laughed. "Shut the hell up, you bastard!" Hidan cussed. "Dude, I think you might have gotten a cussing problem." Itachi sighed. "Yeah, well shut your goddamn mouth, bitch!" Hidan cursed. "Now now Hidan, do you remember last time you pissed off Itachi?" Zetsu asked, (AN: In this story, Zetsu doesn't have a plant head.) thinking of when Itachi flushed down his bible.

"Hey Pein, wake up!" Kisame asked Zetsu's roommate. "Yeah yeah Hidan, I hate you so much I wouldn't even take care of your innocent children if you had any and died. Yeah, you're dead to me." Pein sleeptalked. "PEIN, FREE PIZZA IN SASORI'S ROOM!!" Kisame shouted, and Pein flew out of the room. "He falls for it every time!"

Did I mention about how fifth period sucks balls. Seriously. We've got a certain teacher by the name of Anko, and boy is she strict. If you're not there by five minutes BEFORE the bell rings, she counts you late and gives you a detention. Luckily, the genius I am, I made a shaft from my locker to the room at night, so I can just walk to class. Unfortunately, the idiot Naruto is, he said his reason for being late was that a giant evil slushie machine with poisonous blades attacked him. Anko-sensei gave him yet another detention, meaning he only needed one more detention for me to win the bet.

"Oh crap!" I shouted. For our last class, Language Arts, we had a substitute instead of our usual G… god, it gives me the creeps just saying his name. Yes everyone, Guy-sensei is our usual teacher, but instead, we had the horribly lazy… Shikaku Nara.

"Hey Shikmaru, isn't…" Choji said before I interrupted him, "Yes." "Hey kids, before we start class, how 'bout some sake?" he asked. "Umm, sir, we're al underage!" I sighed. "Shikamaru, is that you?! I didn't know you went to school here!" my dad shouted happily. "Why did I have the feeling that today would suck?!"

"Oh Pein, would you get me another Mr. Pibb?" Yuna asked happily. "No woman, get your own goddamn soda, you have feet too, you know!" Pein shouted angrily. "I'll get you some, beautiful Yuna! You know, if I had the chance to kill all of you here, I'd even skip you!" Hidan smiled. "Fuck off, Hidan!" Pein said angrily. "My my, what horrible language!" Hidan smirked in an evil manner. "Shut the hell up! If Yuna wasn't here, every sentence you'd say would have a cuss word in it!!" Pein shouted. "Here now, fellow Akatsuki members!"

"Shut up Tobi, no one gives a crap about playing the Naruto card game with you!" Deidara shouted at his childhood friend. "Deidara!! You just broke the fourth wall! Just make sure not to spoil the fact that I'm actually Madara Uchiha!" Tobi gasped, breaking the fourth wall as well in the process. "You're my relative in some way!" Itachi said, quite surprised by this spoiling revelation.

"Hey Shika-kun, I forgot to tell you that this month's issue of Konoha Babes was in the mail today!" Dad smirked. I hate my dad so much when he gets drunk, because little bits of information slip out, like, "Hey kids, who wants to know of all the girls Shika here has had a crush on! Ahem, Ino Yamanaka when he was little, Kin Tsuchi in first grade, Sakura Haruno in fifth grade, Tayuya Otonami in seventh grade, and he's always had a crush on…" "Don't say it," I hoped in my mind, "and last but not least, Nodoka Miyazaki from across the street!" Shikaku smiled. "She doesn't even go to our school…" Choji smiled, "Doesn't she go out with that Negi kid?" Naruto smirked.

"Ino…" Kiba smirked, getting ready to burst out laughing. "Kin and Tayuya?" Shino and Kankuro said in a blank way. "SAKURA-CHAN!!" Gaara shouted. "Aw god damn it!!" I shouted, and I quickly snuck out before I could endure Gaara's wrath.

And worse of all, because my dad fell asleep, he couldn't give Naruto a detention! Worse was that later on during lunch, Kiba and I had bet ten bucks on the bet, leaving me ten dollars poorer. So today found me ridiculed by my dad and humiliated in front of the girl that I liked. Wow, things were so going for me at the moment. Yay me!! But the worse was just coming.

As I leave school, I always pass this University. However, a group of kids were waiting for me today. A dark haired one who looked like Sas-gay, a guy who had scars that looked like gills, and was he blue?! There was a shaggy redhead, and a transvestite? Oh, and some emo silver haired guy, and a psychotic guy who looked like he could have been a cannibal. Oh, and a hot blue haired girl with her "boyfriend." Last but not least was some weird kid with a mask playing a Nintendo DS.

"Yo Nara!" the fish said to me. "Hi Fishy." I smiled. Well obviously, I had pissed him off right then and there, but the weird guy who obviously like Marijuana stopped. Why do I say that? Because he red eyes! "Hey College Druggie!" I grinned. "Okay Nara, shut up or I'll let him go!!" the druggie smirked. "Whatever, hey cross dresser, or whatever you are, get me a soda!" I shouted at the blonde haired one with a ponytail.

"Okay kid, we think you have the guts to join us!" the auburn haired punk grinned. "We know that you're smart enough to go from the quad to the university!" the shaggy haired redhead smiled. I thought of how his smile was artificial, and I could tell easily. "I'll think about it, so see ya… Druggie, Fishy, Transvestite, Fakey, Emo Kid, Punk, Dork, Weirdo, and Hottie!!" I smiled, while walking off, "Oh, and Druggie, are you by chance related to Sas-gay?" I smirked. "Oh great, not my little brother again…" Druggie sighed.

I went to my room and lied down. But as soon as I began to drift into sleep, Kiba called. "Hey buddy, come downstairs, I'm in your front yard! And no hard feelings, I liked Ino when I was little too. I'm not the jealous type!" "Fine Kiba." I smirked. I went downstairs where my mom was making dinner. I asked why we had an extra set of silverware, "Well, someone your father knows is coming over." My mother said with her back to me. "Well, okay, Kiba called so I'll be back for dinner.

I went outside, and sure enough, Kiba was sitting there. "Hey man, I wanted to cheer you up! That and you owe me ten bucks." He smirked. "Oh, fine." I grinned, and I gave him ten bucks. He smiled, and we walked to the sidewalk, and sat down. "Well man, play your cards right, and you might get a girl soon!" Kiba was always a good friend in my opinion. "Yeah." I replied. "Well man, I need to go eat dinner!" I smiled, but before I could leave, something came into our vision.

A slushie machine with a whole bunch of weapons came into view, revealing that we might have lost our sanity. "Umm, Shikamaru…?" Kiba asked. "Let's just go home, and forget we ever saw it." I answered. I turned around, to see that father had gotten home, so he had probably brought his guest. I walked to the kitchen door, and began to open and walk through, but Kiba tried to warn me about something, "Oh yeah, Gaara told me that…" was all I heard. I looked at our table, to once again see… TEMARI!!

AN: I'm sorry to say this, but any fans of 20 Years Ago may want to go see Chapter XI, which isn't really a chapter, but yeah, go read it.


	3. Angel is the Centerfold

AN: Woops. Sorry for the wait, and thanks to the loyal readers. I'm happy about this story. It's getting better. Oh, and expect a twist soon. I'll give you a hint. HasdIasdNsdfAsdfTsdfAsdf'dfgSdfgPdfgRdfgEdfgGdfgNdfgAdfgNasdT. Decipher that!!

Chapter 3: Angel is the Centerfold

"Dammit!! I can't get a fucking break without running into her!!" I shouted into my pillow after running away from the dining room. I sat up, and quickly fell backwards, hitting my head on the wall in the process. I reached over to get my Ipod, and clicked it on; quickly switching it to Angel is the Centerfold by the J. Giles Band.

I looked over and saw my Konoha Babes issue lying on my desk. I got up and walked over to my desk, and threw the magazine to the ground as hard as I could. "GOD DAMMIT!!!!!!" I shouted. I walked over to my bed again, and punched the bed as hard as I could. This was a very hard point in my life, and the only point this harsh in my life was puberty. I hated my life.

I lied back, and sighed, letting out a deep breath. I never enjoyed school, hell; I never enjoyed anything except just reading the magazines I subscribed to. I took out my headphones, and quickly changed to Angel in the Centerfold. I always loved this song, and not just because I like perverse things and because the story is called that.

"Dammit Shika, you broke the goddamn fourth wall." "Sorry Tsubasa-san."

I turned around, and punched my bed again, shouting in my head, but finally stopped, due to the fact that I didn't want to turn emo and angsty, so I fell back, and started thinking of clouds, and I started falling asleep. But then, about ten minutes later, just when I was about to finally leave my reality, and felt something touch my cheek, and I heard a puckering kind of sound.

I opened my eyes narrowly, but began to open one wide, raising my eyebrow in the process. I saw the girl I fell in love with just today sitting right by me, looking at me smiling, "Well that woke ya up, eh Shika! You're being particularly Sasuke like." She gave me an obnoxious smirk, and I opened my mouth and let out a scream. "WHAT THE HELL!!!! DID YOU JUST… NO, YOU COULDN'T HAVE… BUT, YOU!!!!"

"Shut up, crybaby. God, but for some goddamn reason, I'm attracted to you. But nevertheless, I'll be going out with that red headed cutie, Sasori." Temari smirked. "Wha… What, Sasori…?" I stuttered, thinking back. "Because we know you're strong enough to go from the quad to university." "Oh shit, I think that was Fakey's name!!"

"Besides, Shika. You're too lazy to go after someone like me, and you're not into the kind of things I'm into." She smirked. She walked out, and stuck her tongue out at me. I looked at her, and got angry. I flicked off the door, before jumping out of the window with my wallet, my jacket, and my magazine. As I touched down, I walked towards Kiba's house.

A month had passed since the, okay; it had only been about ten days. I was over at Kiba's house, along with our other friends. Naruto was bashing at his DS along with Gaara, Neji, and Suigetsu on their's, playing Jump Ultimate Stars. Shino was throwing a ball at the wall over and over again, gaining some shouts from Kiba's sister Hana. I was listening to Kiba's speakers which were connected to my Ipod, and Kiba had snuck a camera in his sister's room and he was watching it through his TV. She had gone to the bathroom, but she wasn't using the toilet, sink, or shower. "Wrong, wrong, wrong…" Kiba had said repeatedly, falling back from seeing his sister… do something. "Dude, do your parents know you have the Playboy channel?" Naruto asked stupidly. "That's not the Cable…" Kiba said, horrified.

"Oh crap, I forgot to tell you guys that we need to go to the Mall." I shouted suddenly, "Why, so you can hit on girls?" Suigetsu grinned. "I doubt it; he has the hots for the sister." Kankuro grinned, entering the room. "Shut up." I said blankly. "And it's because I need to renew my subscription to Konoha Babes, so I need to go to Spencer's." I explained. "And besides, you can check out your places, ya know, Hot Topic, the cookie place." I smiled.

Well, with the mention of Hot Topic and cookies, Gaara was in, and if Gaara went, everyone had to go. Luckily, Kankuro had a license, due to the fact that he was a year older than most Sophemores, which apparently he was. How does he take classes with us then? We drove over there quickly, due to the fact that Gaara knocked out Kankuro and drove us there personally, due to the fact that "he had to stop the voices of the cookies that weren't in his belly yet." Weird dude, he was.

When we finally got there, and after we woke up Kankuro, who apparently now had a slight concussion and thought and he was some Kabuki prostitute for a second, but after I got to smack him a few times, he returned to normal, albeit a tiny bit pissed. We finally entered the large mall, and we decided to split up, and then we would meet later at the giant fountain.

"COOKIES!!!!" Gaara shouted, sporting his new slightly emo clothes and looking at all the cookies and all of the varieties. "Wow, well than, miss, I'll have one of every flavor." Gaara grinned. The cookie lady looked at him like he needed to go to cookie rehab, although, than again, the furry blue guy over there was in the fetal position, crying at all the flavors, and smoking cookie dough. "Silly cookie monster, cookies are for me bitch, so fuck off!!" Gaara shouted at the big blue dude.

"Hey little boy, I have cookies in my van, would you like the see all of them?" the man in black said. "Sure cookie man." Gaara said, ignorant due to the fact that he had smoked off the snicker doodle bong. Gaara walked with the man to the dark van, where, as expected, he was thrown into the trunk, where he sat there in chibi form, chewing on his peanut butter cookie.

Gaara spat the raisin cookie out, "Ugh, disgusting." He smiled, and he suddenly fell over at the van turning in the parking lot. However, he hit the door, causing it to open due to it not being closed all the way, and he, still in chibi form, rolled back to the cookie store.

Kankuro was being "different," and he had gone to ladies section to look for the makeup. Unfortunately, there were a lot of "ladies" there, along with all the emo kids. Kankuro looked at all of the "ladies" and emo kids, and slowly turned away, rubbing off his face makeup and walked away. "Cuz they feel real deep, when they're dressing in drag, they call it freedom of expression, I just call them a fag." Kankuro grinned.

"I'm bored…" Neji sighed. "I know what you mean!" Shino said which freaked out Neji quite a bit. Cuz everybody knows Shino doesn't talk. I personally think he took a vow of silence, like Garu from Pucca. Neji sat up, and quickly noticed something. The cousin of his who was like a little sister to him, walking into a clothes store with Naruto.

"Umm, Naruto-kun." A voice had said behind Naruto, who was looking at all the CD's. "Eh?" Naruto said as he turned around, but as soon as he fully turned around, Hinata kissed him passionately. After they parted, Hinata grabbed Naruto's hand, and led him into that clothes store across from the CD place. She took him into the dressing room.

"Well Shika, where the hell are the pervy mags?" Kiba smiled, with Suigetsu following behind them. "Over here." I replied. "Well, seeing as we both have a girlfriend, we'll leave you to your umm… things, we're going to get some slushies. Want one?" Kiba asked as he turned away. "Yeah, get me a Blue Raspberry Cherry Swirl." I answered. "Kay." Suigetsu smiled, and they both walked away.

I opened the book, and flipped through the pages. The girls were alright, ya know. I became slightly disturbed by the fact that I saw Ms. Tsunade and Ms. Shizune making out in the book. "Gross." I said flatly, flipping quickly to the end. "Wait!" I thought, as the lightning went through my head like to Amuro. I flipped back a few pages. And. There. Was. TEMARI!!!!

I dropped the book and ran out suddenly. I passed by all my friends, grabbing the slushie quickly, and I ran out of the mall, and towards where Gaara's house was.

Gaara didn't live far from the mall, and I got there in about 20 minutes. I opened up the window, and slipped in, walking up the stairs silently to where Temari's room was. I tried to open it, but it was locked. I focused my power in my legs, and kicked the door, knocking it down in the process.

I was met with horror. Fakey, as I called him, had Temari pinned down. She was topless, and as I was sad at first, I quickly noticed he had a knife. "What the…" I thought quicker than my mouth could say it. I ran towards Fakey, or Sasori, or whatever, and drop kicked him in the back, dropping him to the floor. He tried to get up, but I punched him in his face, knocking him out.

"Oh Shika-kun!" Temari shouted, quickly embracing me and crying. "What happened, Temari?" I said sternly. "My dad, he's tired of Kankuro and Gaara and me. He sent some guys after Gaara and Kankuro in the mall. Some blonde guy with a ponytail was sent to the makeup section to lure in Kankuro, and some relative of Uchiha is trying to lure Gaara into his van by using cookies! And Sasori worked for him!" "Dammit!" I shouted. "There's no way I could let Akatsuki get away with this now!!" I shouted.


	4. Renegade

AN: Hey, its another chapter. Sorry for the wait, people.

Chapter 4: Renegade

"What the fuck is going on?" I said flatly. I walked out of the Sabaku residence, and quickly called the person who could help me most. "Hello, this is Kushina Uzumaki." "Kushina san!! I need your help!!" I shouted. "Oh, sure Nara, but only because you're Naruto's best friend and my best friend is your mom. What's the deal?"

I grinned, as I stole Gaara's motorcycle, which he rode illegally. I pulled out and rode back over to the mall. I looked back angrily. "This is for you, Temari." I said in a monotone voice. "Time for backup." I thought.

"I walked up to the pet shop, where sure enough, Kiba and Shino were sitting. "Guys, come on." I motioned for them to follow me, and they came after me without question. "Was it about…?" Kiba asked quietly. I nodded curtly, and they followed without hesitation at all.

Gaara followed easily, due to the one being hurt was his sister. So all that there was left was Suigetsu and Neji. Of course! And Naruto of course. Suigetsu was easy to find, he had snuck into the water fountain for the 47th time this year, and as usual, the security guards had arrested him. "Hey Suigetsu, how's Karin?" Joe the security guard asked him. "She's doin pretty well, but it's her time of the month." He said as if Joe was his best friend. "Oh, that's bad for you. How many times has she punched you?" he asked as I came up running to Suigetsu. "Hey Joe, we're bailing out Suigetsu again. Here's a cookie!" I shouted, giving Gaara's last cookie. "Hey wait!" Gaara protested, but Kiba clasped over his mouth with his hand. "Okay, Suigetsu, don't do this again!" Joe said seriously. "I promise Joe!" Suigetsu smiled, giving off a Boy Scout aura. As they walked away, Suigetsu grinned, "Jackass, he falls for it every time."

"WHAT THE FUCK!! THAT WAS MY GODDAMN COOKIE YOU FUCKING JACKASS BASTARD PIECE OF SHIT!!!!" Gaara shouted out very angrily. "Hey Gaara, are you done yet or do I have to smack you?" I asked sarcastically. "Nah, I'm done." Gaara smiled. As we approached the clothes store that Shino said he had seen Neji go into. "Yo Neji, come on, we're gonna go kick some ass!" Kiba grinned, punching "Neji" in the back. The WOMAN with hair similar to Neji's turned around and smacked Kiba, sending him to the ground. The woman then proceeded to kick Kiba in the side with high heels on.

"Oh my god, you killed Kiba." Shino said with a hint of happiness, "You bastard!" I grinned, causing the woman to come back. "Umm, the kid on the ground said it." Shino and I said in unison, pointing to Kiba. While she was busy beating up Kiba, we found Neji, who was sleeping next to a dressing room. "Yo Neji, wake up, we're going to kick some ass." I smiled, but looked cautious, looking around for that woman. "Okay." Neji said, getting up and brushing himself off.

"Hey wait, where's Naruto?" Suigetsu pointed out. "Umm, I'm right here," Naruto said exhaustedly. "Oh, what's wrong with you?" I pointed out. "Oh, umm nothing." He smiled. "Oh, come on then." I smirked. And we all left in Kankuro's car. As we left though, actually about 10 minutes later, we realized none of us had licenses and that we had left Kamkuro behind. "Aw shit."

"Okay, there's Druggie, Fishy, Transvestite, Emo Kid, Punk, Dork, Weirdo, and Hottie, attack all of them with high force and with a prankster's spirit." I smiled. "Yes sire, Nara sir!!" everyone said in unison. Just then, the greatest prankster of all time walked in. "MOM!!" Naruto shouted, running to his mother and embracing her inn huge hug. "Umm, Naruto, you smell like sex and candy." (AN: I doubt you'll get that, along with most of the chapter titles.)

"Anyway, I have found the bases of all members of Akatsuki, and we will be attacking all of them." I smirked. "Umm, by the way Shika, how will we tell which person is which?" Naruto asked stupidly. "Oh, believe me; you'll know when you see them." I grinned evilly. "This is gonna be a LONG day!!"

"Hey!! There's one, you can tell because they have that jackass aura, but then again, so does Kankuro and Kiba, so…" Gaara smiled. "WHAT?!" Kiba shouted angrily. "Shut up!" I commanded. "That's Fishy, isn't it?" Naruto asked happily. "Yep!! See how you can tell easily!" I shouted, causing everyone to nod.

"Okay, I already know how to kick this guy's ass." I grinned. I stared at Gaara, to which he was oblivious to at first. But when he finally realized what was about to happen, he shook his head rapidly.

"Hello Fishy Bastard, I mean sir, may I take your fucking order?" Gaara said in a stupid Spanish accent. "You do know this is a French restaurant, right?" Kisame answered. "Oh, really fuckhead, I mean sir, I was just kidding. I like to play with my customers," he said pissed off, before he clasped his hands over his mouth. "Damn, playing with is a taboo word!!" he thought angrily.

Kisame looked at him as if he was crazy, and began looking at the menu. "May I suggest the special, a wonderful Gorgonzola Soup?" Gaara asked in a stupid Irish accent. I smacked my head behind the pot, thinking of how stupid he looked. "Oh, yes, that sounds good." Kisame answered, giving his menu to Gaara.

Ten minutes later, Gaara came out with the soup. He handed it to Kisame, who began sipping away. After finally eating all of the soup, he looked up and began to talk to Gaara, "It wasn't very cheesy." Kisame said with a sigh. "Oh, did I say it was Gorgonzola Soup? I meant Shark Fin Soup." Gaara grinned. Kisame looked at Gaara with a dumbfounded look. He looked at the bowl, staring at the fishhead, "Mom?" he asked before passing out with foam from his mouth.

The next person we found was Weirdo and Dork together. I smiled, and for some reason, took out a can from my backpack. I walked over to Weirdo, and sprayed him with the can. He instantly started choking, and Dork imitated him, "Is this how ya do it, Zetsu-sama?" he smiled behind his mask. I looked at the can, grinning, "It really worked." I put the can down, and everyone stared at the word printed on the can, "Pesticide."\

Emo Kid was next. We found him in an abandoned church, cutting himself. "I told you he was Emo." I smirked. Everyone nodded, before I walked up to him. "Hey, would you perhaps like a lover?" I asked him. "No Emo bitch is Emo enough for me, bitch!" he smirked. But suddenly, I brought out a plushie… of Ulquiorra. "Oh my god, he's so cute and emo and dark!!" Hidan shouted, before he began making out with the Ulquiorra plush, eventually leading down to other things and then leading down to an orgasmic series of moans.

Off in a dark place called Las Noches, Ulquiorra sneezed. "I believe someone is talking about you." Stark smiled lazily. "Yeah, probably about how much of a fag you are." Nnoitra smirked. And then, Ulquiorra did something unexpected, he began making out with Halibel.

Well, Transvestite was doing something very unexpected when we found him. We thought it was just him jerking around in his bed while sleeping. It turned out he was… oh shit, Mitarashi walked in, and began to undress herself. Oh shit, was Transvestite having a threesome with their teacher and… HOTTIE!! "Whoa, I know how to get rid of three members at once!" I laughed.

I pointed to Naruto, who had taken out a family picture with his uncle in it, "Wow, you know my uncle Pein?" he asked stupidly. "That's your uncle? He's the leader of Akatsuki!!" I shouted. "Yep, do you need his phone number?" he asked. "Yeah!!" Kiba shouted, catching on to my plan.

"362-8946." I grinned, punching in the numbers and handing the phone to Naruto. "Hello, yeah. Hey Uncle Pein. Yeah, yeah, what's your girlfriend's name again? Oh, Konan's her real name, she makes up a new name everyday? Yeah, well, I can see her with this blonde guy with a ponytail. Yeah, oh really. I saw them walk into a house as they were walking by. Yeah, I'm at home now. Oh, okay, see you at Thanksgiving in two weeks. Yeah, I know Thanksgiving isn't even close. See ya." Naruto engaged in a conversation with his uncle. In a matter of minutes, those three members were unconscious while our teacher was raping Hottie and Transvestite as they were sleeping. "At least we can show these pictures of her raping people if she gives us any shit." Shino frowned, which was his smile, as he took a picture with his phone.

And then there was one, specifically Druggie. I smiled as I finally spotted Druggie… with Gaara's dad. And even worse, they were heading for Gaara's house. "Oh shit!!" I shouted. I ran up to Kankuro's car, and put the keys in the ignition, but as I began to zoom out quickly, Gaara jumped through the window and into the passenger seat. "Me too

As we finally reached our destination, we noticed that Druggie was standing guard. Without thinking and simply rushing, we got out of the car and ran towards Druggie. "You bastard!!" I shouted. I ran towards Druggie, planning to fight him, but Gaara stopped him, and punched Itachi in the face. I stared at the down Uchiha, and then at the Sabaku. He simply motioned for the door. "Go for it, hero." I nodded, and ran through the doorway and up the stairs, reaching the man who had started all of this.

He had Temari pinned to the wall. He grasped onto her neck, and had begun to strangle her. I ran towards him, not bothering to think anything out, and punched the man in the stomach. Temari fell to her knees, and I didn't bother to help her up. I had to beat him first. I ran up to him, planning to punch him once again. But the man was more agile than I thought, and he rose, and caught my fist, bending it backwards.

I winced it pain, but ignored it, kicked the man in his stomach, knocking him back a foot away. He rose once again, and as I rushed towards him, he elbowed me in the stomach. I fell back, thrashing across the floor. I got up, and stumbled a little. I looked at him, and smiled. I held my fist out, and brought it back.

I ran towards the father, and swiped at his legs with a kick. He fell but, as he fell, I kicked upwards in his back, knocking him up a few feet. I raised my fist up under him, causing him to hit his spine on my fist, and while he was up, I let him down and punched him to the ground.

I walked over to Temari, and began to help her up. But as I tended to her, Temari looked at me in fear. "SHIKA!!" she shouted, as I suddenly felt a pain in my back. I got bit… by a bullet.

Gaara crashed into the room, staring at his father, who was over his best friend with a gun. His dad looked at him solemnly, before pulling the trigger. Gaara tripped.

I pulled Gaara down by the leg, causing him to evade the bullet, and as the man was surprised, I acted on reflex, and ran up to the man, and kicked him in the chin, sending him back through the air, and causing him to crash through the window.

It had been two weeks since then. I had finally been able to come out of the hospital, and I packed my things and walked to school. I sat down as usual, but saw Temari. "Hey!! You're okay Shika!!" she said, quickly embracing me. She separated, and I leaned in, and we shared a quick kiss. "Temari, will you go out with me?" I asked. She smiled, and nodded.

Everything was the same. Except Hinata, Tenten, Karin, Tayuya, Ino, and Sakura were all a lot cautious about their boyfriends. It was lunch time now, and Naruto walked over to us, well everyone except for Hinata. All of us sat with our respective girlfriends. "Hey guys, guess what?!" he shouted. "Don't worry Naruto, we already heard that Temari and Shikamaru were going out. "No, its something else, guess what?" he smirked. "What?" I asked.

"Hinata's pregnant!!"

AN: Heh, how was that, eh? Pretty good. Okay, I'm holding a vote. I want to know who want me to continue the story or if you think it should end here. Tell me through message or review.


	5. Carry On Wayward Son!

AN: Okay, number 1, sorry for the wait, but I've got two stories goin on, and so, well yeah that. For two, school pisses me off. Oh, and three, my birthday's on October 3rd. Yay me!! Okay, here we go, sorry for the shortness.

Chapter 5: Carry on Wayward Son!!

"You can't be fucking serious…" Tenten said, basically announcing what her boyfriend was thinking. "… um… he might kill me, won't he?" Naruto frowned. "Yeah man, you might wanna walk away right about… NOW!!" I shouted. "Oh shit!!" Naruto screamed, running away from the cousin of the woman he impregnated.

"Umm, Shika, Tema…" a familiar blonde haired boy asked his best friend and his girlfriend. "What's up?" I asked. "Well umm… I have been forced to talk to Hinata's dad by Neji, and well, could you escort me?" Naruto asked, biting his lower lip. "Why?" Temari smiled, getting ready to laugh out loud. "Well, its cuz I'm about 95 sure that her father will have some gay guy rape me, and then he will murder me in a slow and painful way. And then he'll sell my dead body to science just to make a quick buck! Make it look like an accident." Naruto shouted, occasionaly shouted random stuff, which led me to believe he was on crack.

Eventually, I gave in and decided to escort Naruto to the Hyuga Estate. Yep, it's an estate! Yeah, Hinata is actually a prissy bitch!! Back to reality, Naruto and I walked to the estate ground. Temari skipped out on us due to her having to "… order a pizza in the next town over." I sighed as a strange butler asked us who we were. "I am the fucking Terminator! What business do you have with the Hyugas?" a tall man with a block head shouted. "Holy shit man, your girlfriend's butler is the fucking governor of California!!" I shouted. "Really?" Naruto asked in a stupid manner. "Yes, I am the governor of Caleefornia!"

"Who are you two?" the butler asked us. "Well, I'm a slacker who is intent on surviving this trip to make out with my girlfriend. He's the dude who knocked up the lady of this proud estate." I said in a blunt tone. "Oh, well ok then." He said, letting us both in before realizing he shouldn't like us. The gates closed before, and by then, he had forgotten how to open them. "Thanks Arnold." I smiled.

As we turned to the door to Hinata's father's room, Naruto gulped. "Its okay man lets go." I smirked, leading Naruto in. "So it is you who impregnated my daughter? You don't seem so bad." The tall man answered. "Who? Me?" I stuttered, before letting out a sigh, "Nope, he did it!" I shouted, before I ran and hid behind Naruto. "You?! Are you Minato Namikaze's child?" he asked, standing up. "Oh shit…" he mumbled. "What did you say?!"

"Okay, I'm going to ask a few questions." Hiashi answered. "What is it sir?" Naruto trembled. "What… is the name of Kagetsubasa's first story on Hiashi shouted. "What?" Naruto answered in a state of confusion and shock. "Wrong, it was 20 Years Ago!!" he shouted, "How many stories has Kagetsubasa written on so far?!" Hiashi asked. "Who's Kagetsubasa?" Naruto asked. "Wrong, it is four, they are 20 Years Ago, How it Came to Be, Decolorado Ala de Huracanes, and Angel in the Centerfold, all of which you should read!!" Hiashi bellowed. "Did he just break the fourth wall? Hey wait, I got yelled at for doing that!!" I shouted at the director. "Yeah, but I'm afraid of him." The real me explained. "Final question!"

"What does Marsellus Wallace look like?" Hiashi shouted. "What?" Naruto sighed in a confused tone. "What country you from?!" Hiashi yelled at the top of his lungs. "What?" Naruto sighed. "What ain't a country I ever heard of, they speak English in What?" Hiashi asked. "What?" Naruto mumbled. "English mother fucker, do you speak it?!" Hiashi screamed. "Yes!" Naruto muttered in a very afraid voice.

"Then you know what I'm saying!!" Hiashi shouted! "Stop quoting Pulp Fiction!" I sighed. "Well then Minato's spawn, I will have to… have a gay guy rape and kill you!" Hiashi smiled. "See, I fucking told you!" Naruto screamed at me, and we both ran out of the building at a very fast pace. I had a feeling that my life was going to get hard soon, "Oh yeah, the price for that is a pizza." I announced happily.

"I've got to admit, Kagetsubasa does write good stories." I sighed, reading on the computer while Temari played Super Smash Bros. Brawl, "Wow, they really included Sonic!" she shouted. "Hey Shika, why don't you play with me?" Temari mumbled with puppy dog eyes. "Sure, but I call Kirby." I sighed, sitting in a bean bag chair. "So, what do you think will happen to Naruto?" Temari asked me. "It'll probably end well, unless anyone has a Death Note!" I smirked. "Squee!" L shouted in the background.

"Oh hell yeah, Final Smash!" Temari shouted, hitting me with a Volt Tackle, "So what if something bad happens?" I asked, initiating my own Final Smash. "What could possibly go umph!" she said before I clasped my hand over her mouth, "Don't ever say that!" I bellowed. "Why?" she asked me. "Because every time someone says that, something does possibly go wrong!" I shouted. "Oh shit Shika-kun, you just said it!" Temari warned me. "Aw dammit!" I sighed.

Meanwhile, a certain bunch of pissed Akatsukians were, well pissed. They were angry for one, and one reason only, their leader had lost his beautiful girlfriend, Konan. Who he lost her to was unknown, but nevertheless, Pein would find out, and he would… use his cute little nephew to do it! Pein walked out of his room, where he happened to see Naruto running away from a bird. "Get this thing away from me!"

Pein walked over and stepped in front of the bird, and it fell and died of tuberculosis. Then it's spirit became a Soul Reaper. Anyway… "Why hello Naruto-kun." Pein smiled. "Hello Uncle, I heard you moved away to Las Vegas!" Naruto smiled. "No, but that doesn't matter. What does matter is that, well do you remember my girlfriend?" Pein asked in a fake and nice voice. "Yeah, she was hot." Naruto sighed as he looked off into space. "Well I need you to find out who she's going out with now!" Pein grinned, picking his nephew up and throwing him over a few buildings.

"Well that was interesting…" Naruto frowned as he got up. "Yo Kyubi-brat, un!" an unknown voice shouted. Out from the shadows emerged Deidara… and Konan. "I only have the Kyubi in the canon story!" Naruto shouted. "Whatever, Konan and I are getting married, un." Deidara smiled, before he locked lips with the blue haired woman. "Gross, adults making out…" Naruto thought, before a few images popped into his head, "Three on one…" he said in a very grossed out tone.

"Well anyway kid, we want Pein to be jealous cuz he never treated Konan right, so I want you to lead him to our wedding without him knowing it's a wedding, un!" Deidara sighed. "Umm, yes, er no, er Uh-huh!" Naruto grinned. Soon enough, the two disappeared, leaving a dumbfounded Naruto. "Oh shit, I promised two people that…" He looked down at the date of the wedding, "October 3rd," the day Hinata was due. "Oh shit, who said 'What could possibly go wrong!'" Naruto shouted as the rain began to fall.

Meanwhile, Temari and I were sitting at a café playing Jump Ultimate Stars, when all of a sudden; we both sneezed at the same time. "Bless you. I wonder who's talking about us." Temari smiled. "Who the hell knows?" She agreed.

**AN: Okay, well the story started in November. The whole Akatsuki business was in December. Well now its January, and in case you didn't know, Hinata's kid's b-day is going to be on mine. Oh yeah, expect a little while before the next chapter comes. For the wonderful occasion of October, I will be doing a Halloween story. Its an Akatsuki story where on Halloween, all of Akatsuki gets sucked up into a world called Hollow's Eve. When most of Akatsuki goes missing, it's up to Deidara to save his friends and girlfriend, Konan. Deidara will be using the blade know as the Halloween's Bane, or Hallow Bane for short. And lucky for you guys, I will be including a teaser trailer!!**

"C'mon Konan, you can't really believe that story. It's just a myth." I smiled, holding my hand out to my childhood friend and girlfriend. "But what about all those kids who disappeared 60 years ago?" Konan sighed as she got up from the bed. "It's fine, that couldn't have really happened." I reassured her. "Who's coming with us?" Konan asked me. "Umm, well your friends, my friends, Shikamaru and Naruto." I sighed at the last part. I didn't feel like spending time with my cousin and Hidan's cousin.

"So Sasori, Sakura, Kakuzu, Tenten, Hidan, Tayuya, Kisame, Ino, Itachi, Hikaru, Shikamaru, Temari, Naruto, Hinata, Zetsu, Hanabi, and Tobi?" Konan smiled as Deidara nodded. Pein wouldn't be coming. Not after what he tried to do to her. "But what would you do, if old Alastor Hallowed did exist, and he did still haunt that house, and he did kill all those children?" Konan asked me. "Well, I would fight back!" I smiled. Just then, the door bell rang. We both walked downstairs.

_**Remember, even if you don't believe…**_

_**I will not allow you to be relieved…**_

_**Never let that darkness be allowed,**_

_**Or you will be taken by Alastor Hallowed. **_

**AN: How was it? Read it, and tell me what you think of this through review.**


	6. Santeria

AN: It's more of a sad chapter than funny, but I've had writer's block. Thanks for reading though. Now enjoy. Sorry for shortness.

Chapter 6: Santeria

Naruto walked up to school, and almost fainted. His life was slowly falling from his tower on niceness. He opened the door and entered the facilitation. He felt as if he was becoming emo. He was listening to some really gothic shit, so maybe he was. He walked over to his locker where I was standing. "Dude, I swear to God that your eyes look like someone from Death Note, with all the bags under your eyes." I sighed. "Squee!" L squeaked again. "Okay, that's it, Light get him!!" I shouted, and after waiting 40 seconds, L dropped dead and a young man came over and dragged the corpse away. "Thanks Light." I smiled. "Everyone gets one." The young man replied.

"So what's on your mind emo kid, I mean Naruto?" I smiled. "All this shit that's been going on." Naruto sighed, not revealing he was a double agent in two situations or that Sasuke had tried to rape him last night. "Its okay man, I mean, tons of teenagers get laid when they're young and then have to live through the horrors of teen parenthood hell." I smiled in a government like manner. Naruto just stared at me in a very strange look, "Look, a kitty!!" I shouted. Naruto looked away and I ran off. Strangely, Naruto did see a kitty and began to run after it, and was strangely accompanied by a black haired girl. "Hi, I'm currently dating the director of this story." She smiled. "That's nice for you, believe it!!"

Months passed by, and soon enough, it was the summer. I walked out of school and shouted out, "Fuck you, faculty, kiss my ass, bitches!" I shouted. "Umm, Shika-kun." Temari muttered. "They're all behind me aren't they?" I sighed, totally expecting this by watching sitcoms. "Yep." She answered. "Dammit!!" I shouted, and I broke out in a sprint. "I better go find him." Temari smiled, following me.

Meanwhile, Naruto was meeting up with Pein. "What is it, you bastard?" Naruto said angrily. "Don't you dare speak to me in that tone!" Pein shouted. "You shut up! Do you know how much fucking stress you have caused me?! My life fucking sucks. My girlfriend is fucking pregnant, and the time I should be comforting her and making her be happy, you've got me on this stupid ass job!!" Naruto screamed. "I said don't mess with me Naruto!" he shouted back at Naruto.

"O don't care anymore, and you know what, the transvestite and bitch are getting married! See, they're doing this to get back at you for this shit you started. You can't control any of them! They will eventually realize that you're just a bastard!!" Naruto screamed at his uncle. "That is it, kid!!" Pein bellowed, reaching into his jacket. He pulled out a gun and pointed it at Naruto. "NO!!" he screamed. The auburn haired man pulled the trigger, and elsewhere, I heard a gunshot. I travled towards the source of the sound.

"No…" I mumbled, looking at the blood on the wall. I was staring at a near-death and unconscious Naruto Uzumaki. "This can't be…" I muttered to myself. Someone stupid and crazy with the audacity to shoot Naruto… had, well shot Naruto. I fell to my knees, and the clouds began to lightly cry. "NOOOOOOOOOOO!!" I screamed out.

I had met Naruto in preschool. We didn't really click, but we became fast friends. He had been in every class with me since then, even sharing every period with me in junior high and high school. And even though he had annoyed some people along the way, no one could really _**Hate**_ him. But who could have done this.

It had been a month of tears from Naruto's friends, visits to the comatose boy, and solemn emotions. Hinata was taking it horribly, and for some reason, the transvestite and hottie had come to visit, saying they were off to Las Vegas. I felt horrible for Hinata. Minato and Kushina-san seemed full of sorrow too. I felt bad, and for about a week, Hinata locked herself up in her room, refusing to see anyone or to come out, and for some reason, I felt as if I had gotten there faster, then I could have helped him.

Meanwhile, Pein smiled at his escapades of any suspicion. He sat on top of a building, staring at the infirmary that Naruto was hospitalized at. "I need to kill him before he can wake up and reveal my crimes." He sighed. Behind him stood two figures, "Okay then Kimimaro, Haku, are you two ready to destroy all of them?" Pein grinned, gazing into space. "Yes sir." They both replied in a monotone voice. "Excellent. The most important thing to do is to capture _**Hinata Hyuga**_." He smiled, before he burst into a hysterical cackle.

I walked into the hospital once again, and to my surprise, Hinata was staring at her boyfriend with sorrow filled eyes. I stared at Naruto, and could have sworn that he had began to stir for a second. I shrugged at this and walked over to Hinata. "He'll be fine soon." I smiled. She nodded and smiled back, but I could tell she was holding back from falling to Naruto's bed and crying.And then, an angel came to save me. Temari walked into the room.

"Hey Shika, Hina, how ya holding up?" Temari asked. "Fine Temari-chan." Hinata remarked. "That's good." Temari smiled. I looked up and saw Hinata trying her best to be cheerful around us, and I smiled in an absent minded way. I looked up at the ceiling, but suddenly, fell out of my chair and into the closet.

The door burst open and in came Haku and Kimimaro. The two sprayed some gas and the two girls were knocked out. I continued to rub my head, not hearing the ruckus because of the ringing in my ears. The two picked up the fallen Hinata and Temari and made their way out of the hospital. By now, the strange gas was flowing into the room. I stared at the coloring and instantly realized it was knock out gas. How did I know? A large recounting of Batman episodes.

I grabbed the doctor's mask and ran out of the closet and opened the window. The gas came flowing out of the room. I let out a sigh of relief and looked around for the two girls. "They… they got kidnapped!!" My mind thought at a rapid pace to where I couldn't even decipher anything. And then I realized everything at once.

It was him!! The leader of Akatsuki and Naruto's uncle who did all this. He started all this shit!! So now… if I don't save Hinata and Temari… we'll be screwed. I grabbed my coat and prepared to leave when I heard a sound. I turned around to see Naruto getting out of his bed. "I'm coming too!" he semi-smiled, pulling on his coat. "You can't!! You got shot, like Tupac and Biggie!!" I shouted. "Yeah, but I can't die, I'm not a rapper and the series that this fanfiction is based on is named after me!!

"That's it!! I quit, I can't stand anymore of this breaking of the fourth wall!!" The real me shouted, walking out of the studio. "Wait for me!" Hikari called out. "C'mon!" I shouted back. "Dammit, now we need another director!" I sighed. "Nah, all we have to do is blackmail him with photos of him kissing his girlfriend!" Naruto smiled.

"Still Naruto, I don't think you should do this!" I stated normally. "Shut up! I'm not the kid you knew in preschool! I'm a father, and I will save my future wife and child!!" Naruto shouted at me. I stared at him with utmost and newfound respect. "Okay then, let us go now!" I shouted.

AN: I'm sad. I felt bad for Naruto, but I had to do it. You know, we're coming to another ending poll. I like the story, but I will end it without the fan's opinions, well, you know! Unfortunately, this chapter was short and asd, and the story is usually lighthearted. Well anyway, review, and go ahead and voice your opinions. Oh, and anyone readign this, please read my story All Hallow's Eve and tell me what you think. Sore ja mata.


	7. Angel in the C limax enterfold

**AN: Nothing to say here.**

Chapter 7: Angel in the C(limax)enterfold

I ran along the wet streets with Naruto following me behind. We followed some footsteps that were in the mud, with a solemn look on our faces. It seemed as if no one existed as we made our run through the city." Where are they?" I thought to myself. I looked behind me, seeing a look of sorrow from Naruto. I looked back before looking back around, only to see Naruto with those fake glasses with a big nose and a moustache. I cracked up laughing, and heard Naruto speak up, "Well, seeing as that the last chapter was sad and this one will be serious, might as well get some humor in," Naruto smiled. "Yeah, we might end up dying, so let us get one more joke in, Naruto… did you know… that Death Gods only eat apples?" I grinned. We stopped all of a sudden when we heard a "squee!"

Behind us stood a chibi Near, Mello, and Matt. "Squee, let's go to Toys'R'Us!" Near squeaked. "CHOCOLAAAATE!!" Mello screamed. "I have no personality and only appear in ten panels!" Matt shouted. Just then, a blonde girl, a black haired man, and a brunette woman came up. "Die Mail Jeevas, Misa Misa!" the blonde girl smiled, writing Matt's name in the Death Note. He was suddenly shot out of nowhere. The brunette girl wrote down Mello's name, before shouting, "I am your spokeswoman Kira!!" and then spontaneously combusting.

And then all of a sudden, Light came out of nowhere. "You have lost Near!" he smiled. The black haired man wrote down Near's real name, but nothing happened. "Take that Kira!" Near smiled, and out of nowhere, Matsuda appeared and shot Light. The black haired man committed suicide by stabbing himself with a pen, and Light ran away, before collapsing with a heart attack. I looked at the blonde haired woman, who let out a sigh, "Well, too bad, I love you Light-kun!" and she then ran and jumped down a very deep manhole, thus committing suicide. "So that's how the series ended…" I sighed, watching Near having sex with his Misa Legos. "I don't remember that part…" Naruto stated.

After that overrated joke, Naruto and I continued our quest for Pein and our girlfriends. After traveling for what seemed forever, we reached where the muddy footsteps met. We opened the door of... the abandoned high school where many of my friends and even my parents met. "So this is where it ends." Naruto sighed, entering the school. There were four floors of this school and we had to find the stairs, and if our life was anything like a RPG, the last boss, AKA Pein would be on the top.

We had at last found the set of stairs that led to the second floor, and we gladly walked up the steps. We continued up the seemingly everlasting steps until we got to a large hallway, and there stood a silver haired man. "Hello there, my name is Kimimaro, and I'm here to protect Pein-sama and to stop you two." He smiled. We got in stance, but he brought out two blades. "Oh shit! Okay, I know how to beat him!" I sighed. "How?" Naruto gulped. I let down my hair, making me look like a girl, and then a let out one stare, "Sit boy!" I shouted, and strangely, the man fell to the ground. "I knew it, you're Inuyasha!" I shouted. "No, it's just that that's funny!" he smiled.

I sighed, tying my hair back up. "You cannot defeat me." He smiled. We looked at him, and he slammed his fist on the wall, creating a dent. I stared at him with Dragon Ball Z white eyes. But just then, we heard a cold voice, "Go on ahead, I'll take him!" We turned around swiftly to meet the outlined eyes of Gaara. "I gotta help save my sister, but you need to save her Shika." We stared at him with eyes of burning passion, and we both gave a thumbs up. He smiled, and we both ran upstairs to leave Gaara battle Kimimaro.

The first thing we noticed when we entered the next floor was that it was very cold. The next thing we noticed was this hot girl. The next thing we noticed was that this chick was a hermaphrodite because she had no breasts. The next thing we noticed was that this chick had an Adam's apple. The next thing we noticed was that _**he**_ was wearing shoes that had a slight grip on the floor. The last thing we noticed was that the floor was icy and slippery, and that those shoes of his allowed him to move around freely.

"I'm Haku, and if you call me a hermaphrodite, a transvestite, or a crossdresser, I'll kick your ass." I stared at him, fighting back laughter. I sighed, and walked up to fight him, expecting Kiba, Suigetsu, or someone else to come and kick his butt, but to no avail. And as I walked to the icy floor, Naruto pushed me back. "You're the one, man, you gotta save her for me." I stared at him, but he gazed back at me, and let out his hand. I smiled, letting out a tear of terror for my injured friend. I took his hand and shook it, before walking upstairs to the final boss, never looking back.

I walked upstairs and eventually reached the fourth floor to see the auburn haired madman standing over a half naked and pregnant Hinata. My anger boiled up, and my rage was unleashed when I saw a half naked Temari chained to the wall. "You bastard!!" I shouted, running up to the maniac and punching him in the head.

I stared at the downed man, who got up quickly and smiled, despite his bruising cheek. Pein grinned, and suddenly appeared behind me. He laughed, and kicked me to the wall, where I made a hard impact. I got up, stumbling slightly, but succeeded in getting into a better posture. I gazed at the man, who was making his way towards Temari. I dashed up towards the man and kicked him in the back, sending him to the wall.

He got up, bleeding slightly, and he began to get up on his knees and then rose to his feet. He walked over in a stumbling and broken manner. I backed away, slightly terrified, and he did his Tensa Zangetsu like move again, punching me in the back of my head, but this time, when I fell forward and into the wall, he walked over and began to kick me in the side. He turned me over on my back and he began to step on my stomach. I screamed out in pain, and that's where it all began to go towards me in favor.

I heard a shout, and I looked towards the stairway, and in a flash, he came. "HINATA!!!!" he screamed, running into the room and then punching his uncle with all the force he had. Naruto continued to punch and kick at the man. He raised him up and threw him down the stairs. I ran after Naruto who was chasing the man down the stairs.

The man slid past the unconscious Haku and somehow fell back towards the other flight of stair and down the stairs. The man tumbled towards the window that the unconscious Kimimaro was resting against. Pein rose to his feet and smiled, with cuts and bruises galore on his face. He laughed an evil cackle, and that caused Naruto to finally snap. "Ah ah ah Naruto-kun, not so fast." He smiled, bringing out the gun he used on Naruto previously. Naruto was already running towards him, and he couldn't be stopped. Pein pulled the trigger.

I fell to the ground, bleeding from the gunshot I had received while protecting my friend. Naruto stared at the collapsed me before running towards Pein, kicking the gun out of his hand and then tackling him, "I HATE YOU!!" he roared. The crazed man crashed through the window and fell to the ground. Naruto smiled, and quickly ran over to me. He took my hand and raised me up, and we tried to walk upstairs. But as we turned, Kimimaro rose up, and slashed Naruto in the back with one of his blades, before falling to the ground again.

Naruto collapsed, and I shouted. But he got up shaking and smiled. "Let's go get our girls." He smiled. We got up and started to get up towards our girl's locations. We stumbled occasionally, and I even fell once, but we made our ways to the fourth floor. And the first thing I saw was Hinata rising up and seeing Naruto.

"NARUTO!!" she screamed as loud as she could, running to the injured Naruto. She embraced him in a romantic hug, and began to cry her eyes out on him. "Naruto… you… got… hurt… again… because… of me…" she sobbed. "It's," he coughed, "fine." He smiled. And they kissed passionately, and he fell back, cringing in pain, but with her in his arms. And even with this pain, he would be fine, with her, and their baby. "Hinata?" he asked. "Yes Naruto." She smiled. "When we graduate in three years, will you marry me?" he asked in a happy way. She gasped, and then smiled, "Of course!"

I made my way to the awakening Temari, and fell against the wall. This woke her up, and she stared at me and gasped before she started crying. "Shika!!" she screamed, before she started crying on my shoulder. "I'm fine…" I smiled, burying my head in her long and let down hair. And we cried, cried over our love for each other. And in the end, these two couples, Naruto and Hinata, and Temari and I ended up falling asleep in that abandoned school.

Epilogue: Is This Really the End?

Lime Alert

The summer had come and gone, with Pein being paralyzed and imprisoned for attempted murder on Deidara, Konan, Naruto, and I, and attempted rape on Temari and Hinata. It had been exactly 20 days since the birth of Naruto and Hinata's baby girl, Tsuki, who had beautiful blonde hair and pearl eyes. We all had a wonderful Congrats part, and it was all good. Hinata's parents and Naruto's parents would take care of her during school hours, and would help during after school time.

I had continued to lead a normal life, but this time, I had Temari by my side. I was sixteen now, and it was finally time. It was our half year anniversary. I was actually all alone in my room when I heard a knock on the door. I wore only a pair of jeans and some boxers, but I opened the door anyway, only to see Temari. "Hey Shika!" she smiled. "Hey!" I smiled back. I led her into my room and we sat on my bed.

She gave a little peck, but I pulled her in and we began to kiss passionately. And that's when it happened. I pulled at her shirt, and she allowed me to go on. I slowly unbuttoned the pullover, exposing her black bra. I kissed her neck and began to undo the bra…

I lied on the bed, staring at my Temari. We were both under the covers and it clung to us with our perspiring skin. I kissed her on the cheek, and we began to lay back. "Shika, if I become pregnant, will you stay by me?" she asked. "Of course I will my beautiful Temari." I smiled. "Oh, and Temari?" I asked. "Yes Shikamaru?" she answered. "May we stay together forever, because right now, I'd like to ask, when we leave school and enter adulthood, will you marry me?" I asked in a sweet, romantic tone. "Yes, of course I will, because… I love you!" she smiled and she began to cry happily. And we happily cried ourselves to sleep.

**AN: Is this really end? No, of course not. As my most popular story yet, I will be continuing the story with a sequel. All of the fans of this story, please leave a review with your thoughts on the story or the ending. It all turned out well in the end I guess. Okay then guys, this is the curtain call, so good night.**


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